All I have is love

This is the last photo I have from my Granddad's life.  I wanted to take a picture in his room but it was too emotional.  This picture is from outside the Hospice after I said goodbye to him for the last time.  I had just visited my Grandy one week prior and assessed every muscle and body function.  He was doing very well at that time even though he had stopped eating.  I sat and talked with him and rubbed his back.  I helped him out of bed and massaged his legs, feet, arms, and hands.  He said his day got so much better since he could see me.  I thanked him for all that he has done for our family and he just said... "It makes me happy to know that I made you happy."  One week later I went to visit him in hospice and he was unresponsive from some of the medicine that they had put him on.  I couldn't stop crying and saying "I love you Grandy" over and over.  I once again held each hand, stroked his hair, kissed him, massaged his feet.  I wanted him to hear me.  I cried again and just said, "I love you so much." again and again.  It was hard to breathe and at times it was hard to see.  You never really know how much you love someone until they are gone.  It was the most intense uncontrolled emotional experience I have ever gone through.

Granddad...Thank you for all you have done and all you have been for our family.  I feel like the luckiest granddaughter.  I will always love you.  

Below is an excerpt from a writing for his 90th birthday 9 years ago. 

I have admired granddad all my life.  I loved him from the time he would carry me around in the water at Lake Mills to the time when we would walk side by side both as alumni from the University of Wisconsin Madison.  I loved him so much I wanted to model one of the most important decisions of my life around granddad.

Alyssa age 16:  “I want to find an Eagle Scout to marry.  Someone just like Granddad.  Someone who can invent things when ever we need something.  Someone who can build a fire from scratch.  Someone who will lead me hiking through the forest and point out any poison ivy to avoid and take me on the most adventurous path.  Someone who will roast my marshmallows to a perfect golden brown.  A man who lovingly feeds the birds and picks golden ripe tomatoes and removes the suckers from the plant.  Someone who can canoe the Rock River and let me float in front of the boat.  Someone who I’ll go out to raise the American flag at sunrise and lower it at sunset off the patio.”

            “While I am at it, I better find a man who is like Granddad altogether.  He needs to be handsome, generous, romantic, classy.  Someone I would enjoy riding very close to in the back of an open old-fashioned convertible.  Someone I would want to walk down Langdon Street with and hold his hand.  A man who I could dine with at a fancy restaurant and care more about the conversation then the cuisine.  He must also be a gentleman and know how to treat a woman.  If I marry this man, I want him to treat me like Granddad treated Grandmie:  helping with the family, loving the kids and making pancakes Sunday night.  Knowing I could trust him to give me the best and knowing that he would enjoy serving the family.  He will be like Grandy, known around the town for being one of the most honorable men around.”

            “He also needs to be like Grandy, wise and practical.  Someone who knows the best price on the avocado and the best season to by it.  Someone who is good at investing and will provide me with a secure future.  If he is wise and practical he would have to be an engineer as well.  Someone good at solving any problem.”

I admire Granddad for being our leader without ever giving us a lecture or telling us to follow him.  His life was so attractive that we all wanted to follow in his footsteps.

My favorite memories above and beyond every great holiday at his house…

1)      Wading with Grandmie and then he would take me into his arms and swim with me.

2)      The NAIC investing conference where we spent two days together learning investment strategies and I got called up on to stage to be part of the dinner entertainment.

3)      Going on a date just the two of us when we were the first ones at the Hazen.

4)      Granddad driving one hour to come visit me at my internship in Monroe.  Sharing a hot dog at the meat market in Monroe.

Here is my Grandy with me at his house when I was four years old.  I always loved being close to him.  In all the pictures from the past I found my way to be close to him and lean into him.

Here are a few of my favorites of him from his day...